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10/97

The most important thing on Melissa Milne's mind right now is how to spend her money - a $4863.50 check the San Francisco Bay Area teenager earned as a consultant for the TV show "Touched by an Angel."

She has purchased her own phone and answering machine, taken her family out to dinner, given her brother an early Christmas present, and donated $500 to her favorite charity, Camp Sunburst for kids with AIDS, and their families. That still leaves a big chunk of money for a dream come true, a trip to Hawaii planned for spring break.

But Melissa's dilemmas are not always so easy to resolve. A little over a year ago, overwhelmed by adolescence angst and years of coping with HIV/AIDS, she tried to kill herself.

While attending Camp Sunburst in the rugged hills of northern California, Melissa had climbed onto a railing and was ready to jump when camp counselor Becky Hillard discovered her. The two nearly tumbled off the railing together, but, when it was all over, both were safe, and Melissa was angry but alive. Now this plucky 16-year-old has turned that nightmare into a nationally televised vehicle for showing America what it is like to be a teenager with AIDS.

How did she get from that low point in her young life to the Salt Lake City sound studios of "Touched by an Angel?" It took a casual comment, an unexpected response and a great idea. Earlier this year Melissa confessed to her psychologist that "Touched by an Angel" is her favorite TV show. "How interesting. My daughter's one of the writers on the show," the woman replied. When Melissa and her mother Joan Milne returned to their Walnut Creek condominium that evening Melissa came up with a plan. How about an episode of "Touched by an Angel" that deals with teenagers who have AIDS?

Within hours the pair had drafted a proposal for a story based on Melissa's experience at camp. Melissa's therapist helped them forward the proposal to her daughter, screenwriter Jennifer Warton. Warton read the proposal and she loved it. In short order she crafted an episode "inspired by Melissa's proposal," according to publicist Lisa Dolab, who asked that the show's plot not be revealed.

Scheduled to be aired on CBS October 26, the episode, entitled "The Pact," stars some of the most popular teenage actresses in the business, including Thora Birch and Ashleigh Astin-Moore from the film "Then and Now." It also features a walk-on role by Melissa, who managed to snag herself another job as an extra.

But this is not the first time Melissa has found herself in the national spotlight as a spokesperson for kids with HIV/AIDS. When she was in third grade she was one of the first young AIDS patients in the country to go public at school about her HIV status. "We made it a safe place by providing AIDS education to the teachers and parents," said Joan Milne.

Because of their careful preparation, Melissa's experience was radically different from children with HIV/AIDS in other communities, who were being barred from public schools. Her school community responded with support and understanding. "A week after the disclosure," recalled Joan, "Melissa invited six girls to a sleep-over birthday party. I was very hesitant about it, but they all came."

But it was easier to cope with her disease when Melissa was still a child, said her mother. Now that she has entered her teenage years, she has encountered an entirely new set of obstacles. Girls Melissa's age are thinking about dating, boyfriends, sex, she said, "and all of a sudden - wham - everybody says you have to be careful not to catch AIDS. But it's different for girls like Melissa. How can you have a relationship? Can they have boyfriends? Can they get married? Can they have children?"

And she enters these tumultuous years already scarred by her close acquaintanceship with death. HIV-positive since she received a blood transfusion at five days old, but still not free of AIDS symptoms, Melissa has watched the disease take many of her childhood friends.

"Mom, why are all my friends dying and I'm not," Joan Milne remembers her daughter asking. "I feel like all of us are on a train and I'm the last one left." About two years ago, faced with these uncertainties, Melissa entered a deep depression.

Treating her mental illness has been a challenge. She is one of a small group of youngsters who have grown up with HIV/AIDS and survived into adolescence. And with improved medications for HIV/AIDS popping up all the time, many of these teens could look forward to a normal life span.

"We need to help the kids with expecting to live. All of the other families we know that have adolescents with HIV/AIDS around the country are experiencing the same thing," said Joan. ""We are trying to get a support group for teens together, but there aren't enough of them in one place."

"There are no textbooks on it," said Dr. Geri Brooks, director of Camp Sunburst and Sunburst Projects. "They're different than young adults who were diagnosed as teens. On some level they had made some preparation in their own hearts and minds to be strong around death. Do they want to continue to live with this illness and all the social implications?"

There are almost 3,000 teenagers in the US with an AIDS diagnosis, according to Brooks. Although nobody knows how many teenagers are HIV-positive, the rule of thumb for estimating, since HIV without an AIDS diagnosis is not reportable, is anywhere from one to 10 for each person with AIDS. That would total approximately 6,000 to 30,000 HIV-positive teens in the US.

So what does the future hold for these youngsters? Will HIV/AIDS become a chronic disease like diabetes that can be held in check with medications? If these youngsters can expect to live to a ripe old age, what will be the quality of their lives?

Nobody really knows, but one thing appears certain for Melissa Milne. Sooner or later she'll be making waves again. In the meantime she's waiting for the $77 she earned as an extra, and she's wondering how to spend it.