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NOBODY'S BODY BUT MINE

The Men's Movement Part 3: THE GOOD GUYS

by Beth Grimes

As soon as you're born grown-ups check where you pee
And then they decide just how you're s'posed to be
Girls pink and quiet, boys noisy and blue
Seems like a dumb way to choose what you'll do...

It's only a wee-wee, so what's the big deal?
It's only a wee-wee, so what's all the fuss?...

Sometimes wisdom can be found in unexpected places, even in the simple words of a funny little song. The verses in Peter Alsop's It's Only a Wee-Wee are a case in point.

The weight of thousands of years of indoctrination in traditional attitudes about sex roles induces cultural hypnosis in even the most enlightened men and women, causing them to envision newborn daughters with dolls and to picture their sons climbing trees. A dichotomized world-view blinds us to the possibility of other visions and we think in terms of either/or. Male or female. Gender behavior as "natural" or "unnatural". We limit the development of a whole range of children's talents by interfering with their freely chosen kinds of play. In subtle and not-so-subtle ways, we let them know what activities are "inappropriate" for their sex. Before they're out of pre-school, they've gotten the message.

Rigid sex roles limit both men and women. The impact is different for each gender but harmful to both.

Beginning when they are just boys, human males are encouraged to disregard pain, discomfort and danger. Boys are taught not to cry or complain when hurt, but to be "brave", to suppress their feelings. They are educated by precept and example to identify with males and dissociate from females. They are told there is nothing more shameful than to be a "sissy", no worse taunt than to be called a "girl".

By instruction and the example of adult men, they are trained to ignore risks to their own health and safety. Ultimately, the cult of male bravery leads many of them into military service. If they end up in combat and survive, they come home, not as the dashing heroes they dreamed they would be, but weakened, saddened men - wounded emotionally and spiritually if not physically.

The real heroes are those men (and a few women) who have organized to protect boys from militarism. Veterans Speakers Alliance is one such group. Its members arrange speaking engagements in high schools where they tell students what war is really like and how combat damages the rest of their lives.

Other good guys are the people who give their time, energy and money to Veterans for Peace, Swords to Plowshares and the Bill Motto Post 5888 of Veterans of Foreign Wars. All three work tirelessly with limited resources not only to promote peace and turn young men away from militarism, but also to obtain justice for war veterans.

Now girls must use make-up, girl's names and girl's clothes,
And boys must use sneakers, but not panty hose.
The grown-ups will teach you the rules to their dance,
And if you get confused, they'll say "Look in your pants!"

Some of the worst crimes perpetrated against men and boys are the result of our exaggerated fear of homosexuality. Men have been murdered for no reason other than that they were gay or perceived to be gay. Schoolboys have been harassed, called "fag", threatened and beaten. A leading reason for adolescent suicide is the teen's unhappiness about his homosexuality, his family's lack of acceptance of it, his church's condemnation of it and the cruelty of his peers. Even mental health professionals have added to the misery of the young. Gender Identity Disorder in children is a recognized "pathology" and psychiatrists have used "therapy" that would better be called child abuse.

Although gay rights groups were slow to call themselves a "movement", that, in fact, is what they are. They are also the oldest part of the men's movement. They are truly good guys, doing good work.

There have always been men who supported women's right to equality. Currently, the National Organization of Men Against Sexism (NOMAS) is in the forefront of the struggle for equality between men and women.The organization grew out of anti-sexist men's support groups in the 1970s and is the oldest, most well-established men's organization in the country. But NOMAS does not confine itself to issues around sexism. Its commitment is to ending discrimination based on race, class, age, religion, disability and homosexuality/bisexuality as well as gender.

The work these good guys do is suggested in their Statement of Principles, which reads, in part, "Traditional masculinity includes many positive characteristics in which we take pride and find strength, but it also contains qualities that have limited and harmed us. We are deeply supportive of men who are struggling with the issues of traditional masculinity...

"Women and men can, and do, work together as allies to change the injustices that have so often made them see one another as enemies."

Maybe the biggest hurdle for us to overcome in our race between love and death is the notion that human freedom can be negotiated away based on our physical characteristics. A surprising number of otherwise sane, well-informed, progressive people still believe that, in one way or another, anatomy is destiny. Nowhere is this prejudice more apparent than in attitudes toward sex differences.

Women's bodies are different from men's because this is a requirement for reproduction. For decades researchers have been looking for evidence that there are other biologically determined dissimilarities. So far, none have been proven to exist.

Researchers never look for similarities between male and female brains and bodies. That may be because the most consistent proven fact is that there are greater differences between individual men within a group and between women within a group than there are between women and men. Physical differences between the sexes enhance our lives with joy and excitement and a special kind of love. We must not allow them to be used to restrict us.

Grown-ups watch closely each move that we make
Boys must not cry, and girls must make cake.
It's all very formal and I think it smells!
Let's all be abnormal and act like ourselves!

Note: The verses quoted are from Peter Alsop's song "It's Only a Wee-Wee" on the album "Uniforms" on Flying Fish Records. Other sources for this column include NOMAS information found on the Internet at http://www.csbsju.edu/mm22/suite/nomas.html and from the book "Gender Shock" by Phyllis Burke.

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